The Music in my Heart
“I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free. This freedom that you (God) give me allows my heart to dream.”
I grew up in a musical home. My whole life, my mother filled our home with the most fantastic music. She played by ear and with such emotion and beauty. And she could play anything! Just name that tune and she would start playing a gorgeous version of it. From the standards such as Stardust, to the show tunes to opera, to the most heartfelt hymns such as How Great Thou Art and Amazing Grace. And sometimes we played together. She taught me a duet, Country Gardens, we would play from the time I was four years old, until a few months before her passing when she was 92. I remember her playing Habanera from Carmen and I would sing in a big operatic voice. I loved singing. Big and powerful. It was exciting to me and I did it with abandon and comfort at home. I didn’t know if I was good or not. But I could sing big and high. A big range. Some neighborhood kids said I sang great. I think my mom did too, but I think she thought I was just having fun. And my mom was the last thing from a stage mom. We were even asked to be in a Tang commercial (long story, but my parents wrote a best selling self help book, I’m Ok, You’re Ok) but my mom declined saying they didn’t care for that kind of attention. So I sang at home, but the confidence I had at home never translated to the real world. When I got in front of people I was unsure of, I just kind of shut down. I think I was just afraid. When I worked at NBC as a page, I would sometimes sing in the bathrooms because of the great acoustics. Once in a while, someone would walk in and say: “Wow, you should sing!” And I would love the compliment. And in many ways, that was enough for me. Just to know I could. But I never really pursued it. But all thanks to God, I went from being afraid, to being able to sing in front of a huge crowd of thousands of people with no fear. I love to give Him all the glory for any music I produce or sing.
I have loved music my whole life. Every era in time has music that can be loved. I am in love with the standards. All the Gershwin my mom played. My dad loved opera tenor Mario Lanza. Their “song” my mom told me was “Unchained Melody,” which came out the year they were married. What an amazing song that is!
I can say I really fell in love with music with the Beatles. Our next door neighbors were from England. The Rheem girls. Linda and Laura. They knew all about the Beatles before any of us did. But when the Beatles came to America, did we hear them! I have such a vivid good memory of this time, I wrote a song about it called “What a Great Time To Be Alive:” “Music changed me yesterday. When I first heard Yesterday, I Want to Hold Your Hand and All My Loving too. What a time to be alive! When the Beatles first arrived. My friends and I on the living room floor. A giant speaker by the door. It all felt so right. What a great time to be alive!” Needless to say, I love the Beatles. But the truth is, when they broke up (I was about eight or nine years old,) it was very sad to me. I was young and brand new and didn’t understand the ways of the world. I thought that this unbelievably great thing (the Beatles as a group) would never end.
Then the 70’s came along. And I really fell in love with music during my teenage years. And I discovered Paul McCartney was still there! I have the best memory visiting DC and NYC during the Bicentennial and “Silly Love Songs” with that phenomenal bass line was booming through the streets in NYC as I walked along. I was young and happy and someone stopped me to take my picture. I felt like I was in a movie! It just made me feel so good. And that’s what music does. From “Freebird” to “Snowbird” I loved the music of the 70’s. And then of course disco. I went to the senior prom at Beverly Hills High School and “Last Dance” played. What an atmosphere and memory that made.
I have fallen in love with music and performers through every decade. Current favorite vocalists are Josh Groban (who I was blessed to see on Broadway in Sweeney Todd and his Christmas album is my all time favorite.) I also am wowed by Kelly Clarkson (just so great.) And I also love country. I grew up showing Tennessee Walking Horses. So that was a whole other part of my life. My childhood out at the ranch was filled with Classic Country. I actually started singing with country songs on my karaoke machine. I had been singing songs like Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man” and Lynn Anderson’s “Rose Garden” since the 80’s. In 2023, I won “The Voice of The Ocean” singing “Crazy” by Patsy Cline. We were on a cruise from Ft. Lauderdale to Quebec, Canada and we stopped in New York City. The people who headed up the talent heard me singing “New York, New York,” as our ship was leaving NYC. They asked me to be in the contest and it was a big event in a 1000 seat theater. So when I saw Crazy on the list of songs, I chose that. And I was the winner out of a group of really fine singers. It was exciting. I always wanted to try out for The Voice. I actually made an audition reel I never sent. Our kids were still young and I was busy being a mom, which I loved. And then the years went by. So winning “The Voice of The Ocean” was a sweet taste of it. They had the turning chairs and everything!
I also won a national talent competition in Hilton Head, South Carolina in 1997. I ended up signing with a top LA agent, but I was turning 36 and I really wanted a family. I met my husband not long after, who had a great job in Sacramento, so I said good bye to that opportunity which thinking back can make me a little sad. But my husband is a gem and he has been the greatest encourager in me starting up my worship ministry. When the kids had gotten a little older he would hear me singing to tracks in my den and one day he said: You should sing at church! I had kind of liked that thought, but once again fear held me back. But as we sat in church the following week, they announced auditions for their worship team (this was a church with a stellar music department so it made me a little nervous.) But I got on the team and from there I just began singing more and more and eventually started songwriting.
I have a journalism degree and I have worked as a news writer for a local ABC affiliate. One day I just had a thought come to me for a song and I sat at the piano and it was all right there! I was so excited. I put the song out (Standing on the Word of God,) on social media and got a great response. And since that time, I’ve written over 100 songs and still going! God keeps inspiring me with more words and melodies. And I’ve also written a song for each of our children as they have graduated high school. “My Precious One,” “Our Beloved Son” and “Precious Pearl.” And I wrote a song for my mom’s memorial service, “Kind Heart.” I really do love expressing my heart in songwriting. It is so meaningful and in many ways healing. I am thankful God has given me this gift.
And since I started writing songs in 2014, I have written and recorded and released five albums! Out of those, my favorites are the first one “Walking in the Spirit” and my latest one “Let It Begin.” I don’t love the time in the recording studio nearly as much as singing live, but I realize to get a good recording you need to be experiencing it, in the moment. I remember praying before I recorded my song “Then I Met Jesus.” It is a very personal song and I wanted to reflect that and be there for that. And I love the vocal on that recording. It very much matches exactly what I expressed in the writing. “Then I Met Jesus” was a breakout song on my first album. It had a huge heartfelt response. (It could be heard on 700 radio stations and I received letters all the way from Romania and other parts of the world.)
When I started, I didn’t understand anything about the music business. I have never been in this to make money. I never have sought out any kind of label. I love the independence of writing what I want. I have been blessed to work with several top rate producers. I think because I started this journey so much later in life than many artists (I was nearing 50,) I just thought my chances for getting signed with a label were pretty slim, so I never pursued that. I think too being a wife and mom, I just didn’t know if I could devote as much time to it all that was needed. I have found it to be a blessing to be an independent artist as I can write whatever I want. And really, that is why I do it. For the expression. And everything I need, God supplies.
I do wish I would have had more confidence earlier in life. But the Bible continually tells us that God is working things out for good. Doing a work in us. And I am trusting in that. That the songs I have recorded are out there. And even when I’m long gone, maybe a hurting heart will hear one and it will lift them up.
I’m thankful God has (through the struggles in this life,) given me a heart that can come alongside people who know hard times. I led the whole Christmas service at Folsom Women’s Prison (next to Folsom Prison.) Sharing my song “Then I Met Jesus” which speaks of wearing permanent dirt to being washed clean and seeing the women with tears running down their face. That was one of the most moving moments of my life. Knowing God had healed me, given me the words to write and now I was sharing that same hope with these women who had lost so much. And them receiving that hope. That’s why I do this. I love connecting with other hearts and giving people hope. I am so thankful to God for these opportunities.
When I sing worship music, nothing brings me greater joy than to sing the praises of God. He set me free from the fear. For so many years I kept it all inside. I love to sing of His greatness, His love and it brings me great joy to lead the congregation into that praise. And to share scripture and words of encouragement as I am able to use my gift to sing songs of praise and worship. Singing praises to God changes us. It lifts our heart. It gets the focus off ourselves and sets our minds on the goodness of God. It brings hope to our lives. It reminds us of how much there is to be thankful for. God is good!
“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” …. Amen. Yes He is.
